Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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