She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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