Your face is a jimmy john
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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