using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
