i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
