Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
