im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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