So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
