How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize