I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Who died my cat blue again?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
