im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
