just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
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You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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