Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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