I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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