I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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