I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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