Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
only you would photoshop your dick
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
