Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
