I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
