Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
NoShamevember. You game?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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