dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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