I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
