Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
