We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
