Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
