I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
