you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
