I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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