you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
