She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He passed out mid-signature
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dick very happy bro
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
