my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize