I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
