wat bout pragnant strippers??
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
