"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
