Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
