a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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