omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize