Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When did angry sex become our thing?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
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