you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
