i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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