Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize