respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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