hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They took my balls.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
