The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize