so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
