My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
