If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
someone owes me an orgasm
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
