Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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