dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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