so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
