I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So vagazzling was a success
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
