dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
where are my eyebrows?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
