tell your sister to shave her snatch
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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