I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
