oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
