He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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