just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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