my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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