Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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