Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
