Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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