after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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