Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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